We want a candidate who has no illicit wealth, no connection to corporate funding, no interest in war, no appetite for power.

We want someone who cannot be manipulated, overrated, intimidated or exfoliated.

It should be someone who has never uttered a bad thought, a word, and idea, an opinion. One who can nonetheless stand up to every opinion of every world leader, corporate mandate, individual person, hell – even alien – that exists.

(S)he should be humble, wise, glorious, filled with grace, a perfect face, sociable, notable, forceful (but not too much), witty, charming but not alarming, and above all LOVE-ABLE.

This candidate must love everyone equally, allow no threat to our security; care for all humanity (but especially America’s own); be firm, but flexible; be a visionary, contemporary and yet still be revolutionary enough to bring in the change we seem to believe we want but then still we cling to the security of all that is wrong with government and society.

Yes folks, we want GOD for President and we are VERY DISAPPOINTED that (S)he decided not to run. But… uh.. the problem is, you see, (S)he’s apparently too busy – and didn’t want the job.